Yesterday, I overdid it a little. Which is sad since all I did was plant flowers. Today, my hip is determined to remind me that it hates me. For the record, the reminder is coming through loud and clear.
I am without a pain management doctor right now. Mine cut me loose April 9th. I have spent a little over a month trying to find a new one. When you have CRPS, that isn’t easy. Not all pain management doctors will accept CRPS patients, because there isn’t a lot they can do for a CRPS patient.
This means I am without pain medication. Everyone with CRPS is different. For some people, pain medication doesn’t help at all, for some marijuana is the best relief, for some, an e-stim makes their lives bearable.
I am not a good candidate for an e-stim because the electrical stimulation actually makes my pain more intense in my hip. It happens. I’m allergic to hemp, in all forms, and it isn’t legal in my state yet.
Today, it is taking everything in my power not to go back to bed, pull the blankets up over my head and cry myself to sleep. I probably would do this, if laying in bed didn’t make my hip and spine hurt worse. This means at by 10 am, I already know my day is a train wreck and I will not get anything accomplished unless I push myself past a point of no return.
My butt cheek is already swollen, something that happens when I overdo it. My thigh feels like it is being electrified. I’m having trouble picking up my foot when I walk. I’m limping. Essentially, I just don’t want to move anymore. And before anyone says “moving is the best medicine,” this isn’t true if you have CRPS. In the early stages, physical therapy and movement can decrease pain caused by CRPS, but I was out of the early stages of CRPS years and years ago.
One of the problems with CRPS is that there isn’t a “standard set” of symptoms, not really. Nerve pain is weird in that it is somewhat person specific. I got called a liar in a support group this past week, because a different CRPS sufferer told me my nerve pain can’t feel like a broken bone and that it should feel like a muscle ache.
I think the person got in trouble, because they became oddly silent on Saturday and Sunday, something this person isn’t known for. However, I don’t know many people that describe it as a muscle ache. I’m sure it can feel that way, but most people describe a sharp stabbing pain. Which is what mine is, a sharp stabbing pain that feels like I have a dagger holding my femur into the hip socket or something. It feels like the pain is in the bone not in the nerves surrounding the bones.
However, it is hard to explain that sensation, that your bones have been pierced and are now being held in place by a sharp stabbing pain. So I just describe it as I feel like my bones are broken or worse, when it is really bad, I feel like someone has run over the bones and crushed them to dust in my body.
This actually has translated into my work some. People have asked me in the past where my realistic descriptions of my murder pain comes from… It comes from my nerves. I have never been stabbed, not really. I guess I was stabbed by a wood burner, but that isn’t a knife. However, I can imagine the pain because I feel it, my nerves produce it all the time. I have broken my arm and it didn’t hurt as bad as my hip hurts. Nor did it hurt as bad as my lower spine, which is actually very close to my tail bone.
So, as I sit at my computer, in serious pain, to sore to even get up to go urinate, because I know I will have to sit on the toilet and then try to get up… which is a different form of torture. I wonder if I should go to an urgent care facility and try to get at least some of my pain under control.